1. Determine the Qualities of Each Guy

So here it goes. I was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for six years. He was my first everything.

I loved him more than life itself. Well after six years.. We began having problems. Of course over the six years we had a fair share of arguments. Began dating when I was fourteen. So it was somewhat an immature relationship in a way. Just because we were very jealous and protective of one another. But I loved him so much and after six years I finally decided to end it because I felt like I lost the spark and nothing seemed exciting anymore.

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I lost that physical spark for him. We barely touched or kissed. It was like we almost turned into friends. I ended up rekindling a friendship with a guy I knew back in elementary school.

He is the complete opposite from six year guy. Like night and day. We have currently been dating for a little over a year now and my ex has been dating another girl for almost the same amount of time. Over this entire year, me and six year guy have continued staying in touch with each other. Obviously we know that we still love each other and there is still something there. Well he broke up with his current girlfriend for me. Now Im on the fence. What I thought I wanted the whole time to get back with me ex, I suddenly am having second thoughts. What do I do??? Are there desires or fears we are burying in our psyches that we either are afraid to embrace or afraid to face what others will think when they see us embrace them that we keep these desires or fears from surfacing for reasons of embarrassment or practicality?

Is this really about not being able to find the right person, or choose between two people, or could it be about not knowing ourselves as well as we should….. Dear Qwerty, I am not really good with giving advices, but since I was in similar situation I may try. I am not sure if it will be advice at the end, but for me any kind of words were helpful in this situation.

In short, I was in 5 year relationship when I went to study abroad as this was one of my life wishes.


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So at that point we started long distance relationship. He is not really ambitious person — I helped him doing his master diploma, I tried to help him overcoming his complexes with studying and developing himself, he likes to enjoy life chilling until he gets bored out of it, when he does not have enough money he is a bit stressed and depressed, he did not find something that he is passionate about — except me as he says and football but he cannot earn money out of it in my country, which is not important that much at the end, but he did not show initiative to do it voluntarily out of fun even ….

By years this started to drain my energy as I was putting a lot of energy in him and he did not and not so much at me. Moreover the fact that he cannot take care of himself or better to say is letting me take care of him almost completely repulsed me from him. I realized this now. I when abroad and I liked someone new there, someone with ambitions and goals, someone who had what guy1 was missing — guy2. But in a way, I neglected him. I developed double life. I started dating guy2. There is no excuse for this.

How do I choose between the two men I’m dating? - The Globe and Mail

Circumstances were like that, guy1 was pressing me so much, and I was running away, was putting feelings and things under the carpet while I was focused on my studies. Again, this is no excuse. At some point I realized what am I doing and did not know how to go out of the situation. At first I thought I stayed with guy1 cause of him. I was not able to say no nor to say things I am thinking at that point and I was. I think you should be strong and follow the first think your heart tells you.

Probably is difficult to see what is in your heart exactly now, but by time and overthinking it will just get worse and worse. And you will start feeling guilty for both of them and both relationships or potential relationship will be tainted which will cause you not to know anything anymore because and to have all sorts of mixed up feelings. Happiness is the important. You cannot stay with guy1 just because you feel bad for him.


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  • Have a choice between two loves? Failing to choose might lose both « David McElroy.
  • The other person will feel better as well. Same goes for all the people. If you stay with someone that you are not happy with you will blame him too and your life together will not be that nice.

    Maybe the good way to think is if you want to break up with guy1 for yourself. Like — there is some issues in this relationship I might want to leave. If you do you do it.

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    How do I choose between the two men I’m dating?

    This will make you feel bad and not see things clear. At the end, if you liked this new person its alarm that things might not be working with the first guy. If you want to make things wright with him, find the problem, talk to him about the problem and see if this relationship is possible. Update to my Gary posting: I am now back with my gf, even to the point that she is beginning to trust me to the point of moving back in.

    She still keeps her room for security which is obvious really , but she also has got rid of her other partner, and we have turned into an intimate relationship. I feel lucky, amazingly lucky. I still cry, but over shock and amazement at the forgiveness, of my partner and the ability to leave behind all that was past.

    This was her greatest fear. Exactly what the other partner eventually ended up doing. We are going on holiday to italy in couple of weeks to help strengthen our relationship. Remember solve and talk through everything that went wrong, agreeing, understanding and accepting her view, as she has to of your view. Then, never bring it up again, but if she does, then answer it, and dont get angry about it. In my case, I never thought about the 2nd guy did initially, thought of following, tracking, kicking the shit out of him and all that stuff , but it will never work that way.

    I blanked him in my mind, remembering that it is her decision to choose. Space and time is a healer. It took me 3 years to realise my mistakes and to change I changed without knowing. Once I fell apart and I realised i loved her it took months of emotional recognition, and it took 3 months from 1st contact for me fear and tears and self dejection, unable to work, I was suspended twice during all this for her to make a decision to come back. Everytime I am next to her I feel proud and uplifted secure and safe, and on a high.

    She feels that, she doesnt want somebody begging and needy and shouting and angry and agressive and crying if you are like that, you have to look at yourself, and ask if you actually love her, cos probably you dont, its just need and infatuation and even jealousy — if you do, start looking at yourself and see what is good about you and about her and what commonalities and thing syou have together that are special.